I want to start out by saying we DO NOT have this all figured out. Our oldest son, Caleb, is 4 1/2 and has been an overly picky eater since the time he was about 12-13 months old. I think it’s safe to say he survived his entire second year of life on strawberries, grapes, cheerios, peanut butter, and yogurt. Oh, and milk. Lots and lots of milk. It’s still a daily struggle. One day we have a system that seems to be working and the next day we are back to square one.
Over the past three and a half years, we have figured out a few tactics that help us to curb our picky eater and get him to expand beyond five foods into all five food groups. So I’ve compiled our resources and strategies here in hopes that it will help other families who have similar struggles. Just keeping it real.
When my son was a baby, I daydreamed about when we would sit down as a family and all eat together. I had this perfect vision in my head of dinners around roast, mashed potatoes & gravy, casseroles, salads, soups, and beautiful gourmet desserts. Tom and I had always enjoyed our time together in the evenings around the dinner table. I looked forward to the day when our son would join us.
Then it happened. We bred a picky eater. A throw your food on the floor, refuse to take a single bite, stomp, scream, and throw a fit picky eater. Our love for family dinner time quickly disappeared. In it’s place was a very stressful and anxious night.
As a mother, I wondered what I had done to cause him to be such a horrible eater. I constantly asked myself, “Is this my fault? Could I have done something different? Is this because I didn’t nurse him long enough? Did I start baby food too soon? Too late? Should I have done baby-led weaning?” If you are a mother and you are asking yourself the same questions, allow me to answer you…
NO!
This is not your fault. You, like us, bred a picky eater.
While there is no one-size fits all strategy on how to get your child to eat dinner, there are some things that may help you and your child to enjoy meal time again and, hopefully, get them eating a wider variety of foods at the same time. Please remember, these are things that have worked for us. They may not work for you and your child. As always, do what works best for your child and your family.
Don’t be a short order cook.
I say this with a grain of salt. When my son was around 13 months old, he was to the point of only eating fruit, yogurt, and peanut butter. We were the parents who just wanted him to eat, so we gave in. After about a week of this, I contacted a nurse at our pediatricians office who told me,
“Just hold out, give him what you are having for dinner only, and he will eventually eat. He’s not going to starve himself.”
Well sweet nurse, you must not know my child! He is strong-willed and stubborn to the core! After over 30 hours without any food, I called the pediatrician’s office again and explained to them that my 13 month old had refused all food for 30 hours. The nurse I talked to this time around told me to feed him whatever I could! Just get him to eat! So I did.
If your child is like mine, just wait out this stage until they understand consequences. A 13 month old obviously doesn’t understand. So, I eat my words. I was a short order cook until my son was about 2 years old.
However, when he hit about the 22 month mark, we started only giving him what we had for dinner. We did this for dinner only. This way, if he refused to eat dinner, we knew he was getting some food for breakfast and lunch and wouldn’t starve. Let me tell you, he skipped A LOT of meals in the beginning. It’s going to take patience and persistence, but it will eventually work. There are still some days when Caleb refuses to eat dinner. However, it is so much better than it was 2 1/2 years ago. Now that he is 4 1/2, I refuse to make a separate dinner for him. He eats what we are eating or he doesn’t eat. End of story.
Cut out afternoon snacks.
This is a hard one. I always feel bad when my son tells me he is hungry around 4pm and I tell him no. However, I’ve said yes before and that almost always results in no dinner. I’ve come to the belief that he is better off to be hungry for a short time and eat his dinner, than eat a banana for afternoon snack and not eat anything else until breakfast the next morning. Cutting out afternoon snacks has really made a positive difference in Caleb’s dinner eating habits.
Employ the “one-bite rule.”
We have employed the “one-bite rule” since Caleb was about 2 years old and it works pretty well. We give him a bite of each food on the table. He must take a bite of each item before he can have more of his favorite thing. We started with one bite and have slowly worked up to about 3-5 bites.
This encourages him to try new things and expand his taste buds. It also gives him an incentive if he tries new things in that he can have more of his favorite food afterward.
Reward good eating.
I know. I know. Some parenting books say don’t reward good behavior, especially with food. However, when you have an extremely picky eater, you do what works. And in more cases than not, this tactic works.
Sometimes the reward will be a piece of leftover Halloween candy or ice cream. Other times, he will get to watch a show on television or read an extra book before bed. We try to not reward with food very often, but it does happen. Am I proud of it? No. Does it work? Yes. Moving on.
Discourage tantrums.
Some children don’t do this. Some just sit quietly and refuse to eat their dinner. If this is your child, we can no longer be friends.
Of course, I’m just kidding! But, if your child is a dinner time tantrum thrower, welcome to the club. I feel for you. I’m praying for you, your patience, and your sanity.
We discourage tantrums by pulling any privileges immediately. So basically it works like this:
“Caleb, we are having tacos tonight. If you eat your tacos, you can have dessert. However, if you cry, scream, throw a fit, or whine in any way, you will lose your dessert no matter what.”
This doesn’t work all the time, but it does work some, so I think it’s worth mentioning.
Don’t give in!
As much as you want to give in to your child, don’t. Don’t make a separate meal, don’t reward poor eating, and don’t allow tantrums. However, remember that this is not a battle that you can win. Someone once told me that there are two battles you will not win with your kids, potty-training and food. I believe both of these to be true.
Do what you can, when you can and let go of the rest. If you have any questions, please feel free to email me or message me on Facebook. While I don’t know everything on the topic of picky eaters, I do have a lot of experience and would be happy to help you trouble-shoot some ideas that may work for you.